Lessons

Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance. Romans 8:18

Recently, we have had conversations about the things you learn in your late teen years and early 20s that are able to give you perspective and resiliency for later in life. My husband and I lovingly refer to these times as the “lean years”.  The times in your twenties when you knew you could survive on peanut butter toast for a few days… or the lesson about what happens if you don’t pay the electric bill (spoiler, they will turn that off), or what happens in college when you get a roommate that you don’t like. All these minor sufferings are important life lessons. Even when you finish college and get a real job, you will have to plan a budget and live with it and there will always be difficult people in your life.    

We know parents with kids the same age as ours who don’t want their children to suffer in any way. Don’t get me wrong, if our son and daughter in law were on the verge of being evicted after an emergency we would work to put a roof over their head and help them get back on their feet. If they were hungry, we would send a grocery store gift card and help them locate resources in their community. But those are extreme scenarios. If they made bad decisions and had to suffer a late fee, or a few days without internet, or had to take a bus because they were out of gas money, I’m inclined to let them live and learn.  We have all known someone who hasn’t learned from bad decisions because no one ever let them suffer and figure out the rules of adulthood.       

When we talk about the lean years we know that it helped us learn to endure and grow up. It strengthened our relationship because we had to work together. It increased our personal feelings of worth and value because we gained independence and knew that we could take on our challenges and make it out successfully on the other side. We learned that we didn’t want to live without electricity and that packing a lunch every day made it so that we could afford to keep the cable and internet. Now, in our forties, we would never imagine asking our parents to foot the bill for us for anything. We know others who are the same age who never suffered and learned in their twenties and still lean on others for help. As Christians, we don’t want to see others experience harm or suffering, but we also cannot foster a community where those around us never learn the empowering value of independence.       

Prayer: Eternal God who sent your son to suffer with us on earth, help us to let others grow and mature. Remind us of the lessons we learned about independence and the power to persevere. Help us to see all the opportunities you have made for us and to learn that the suffering is worth it. Amen.  

Christi Moock