The Ache of Grief

For no one is cast off by the Lord forever. Though He brings grief, He will show compassion, so great is His unfailing love. For He does not willingly bring affliction or grief to anyone. Lamentations 3:31-33

I called on your name Lord, from the depths of the pit. To hear my plea: “Do not close your ears to my cry for relief.” You came near when I called you, and you said, “Do not fear.” Lamentations 3:55-57

This winter has been incredibly difficult for our family. We have lost close friends, lifelong church leaders, and family. So many tears have been cried and it feels as though everything reminds us of those now missing from our life on earth. In times like these, it is easy to question God and also to look at our experiences with those who have been lost with regret. Why that person God, they had so much to offer, so much promise? Why didn’t I tell them how much they meant to me? Why didn’t I call or write more often? 

In addition to dealing with our own grief we have been trying to help and support other friends and family and have had to work on the essential tasks after loss. Sorting items for donations, planning the services, picking out music, finding a pianist, getting a location, trying to give others a chance to say goodbye. Finding the right balance between leaving someone to grieve and letting them know that they are loved and thought of is so complicated, and delicate.   

We recently attended the most lovely prayer service and I allowed all that grief to wash over me. After the last of the prayers and songs, we ushered out quietly and I felt a tremendous sense of relief. I had prayed fervently to help others deal with the loss, to bring peace for myself and to assure that those that we had lost were safe in God’s arms. After all the tears and sadness I finally felt like I could try to break free of the grief and celebrate Christmas with our loved ones. There were still a few tears on Christmas Day, but the grief seemed more manageable, and less pervasive. I know that so many losses will take time to get over, and that we will continue to recognize the absences in our lives in different moments. I know that grief will sneak up from time to time, and that I can cry and pray, and reach out to God but hopefully that all-encompassing ache of loss will be better.

Prayer: Creator God, we know that you are close to the brokenhearted and that you will support us in our suffering. Be with all of those who have experienced loss, help to comfort their hearts and bring peace to their lives. Amen

Christi Moock