Grief and Loss

Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted. Matthew 5:4

For God so loved the world that he gave us he one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

We recently lost a member of our Red Hat group totally unexpectedly. One member said to me I can’t stop crying, she said I don’t know why but it feels like I lost an immediate family member and we were not that close. Another member said to me I am sad, but I haven’t shed a tear. Other members were busying themselves about arrangements and attending the funeral expressing their loss but avoiding the feeling. 

I remember a member of my previous church and every time she mentioned her mother she broke into tears for years as if it had just happened. A cousin who has lost her son to suicide seems obsessed and is constantly posting her memories and sorrow on Facebook. A walking friend lost her husband and she includes her grief in every gathering. The last two were told by their friends that they needed to get over it. It was time to move on. 

I have noticed that when a grief or loss of someone happens or if a way of life changes we seem to expect people to grieve for a few weeks and then move on as if nothing happened. Yet the loss was a part of their everyday lives. I have experienced from my own loss the fact that I would expect the person to come through the door as if they had just been gone on an errand.  I would think of something and then remember I couldn’t just tell them or call them to tell them.  A friend of mine, after losing his mother, said to me I can’t envision how to continue and when does the pain stop. From my own loss of my father, I said I don’t think you ever get over the pain, you just learn to live with the loss with the hope of seeing them in Heaven. Your days become busy again with family and friends making new memories. But the pain of loss is still there.

As I have gotten older, I realize that every person has to deal with their loss in their own way and in their own time frame. It is not up to someone else to tell a person it is time to move on. I even become frustrated when I hear someone tell a person grieving you need to get over it and live your life. I wish they would suggest they may want to seek assistance to learn to live with it. I also recognize that it is okay to add memories of the person or loss to a conversation and that is okay and is helpful to everyone.  

Prayer: Dear Father in Heaven, We pray for those who are grieving from the loss of a loved one or a loss of a way of life. We pray that we support them, help them and understand that their way and time of grieving is okay. Help us to understand that only you know the process or time frame for each of us in our grief. Help us remember that because you gave us your Son that we will have eternal life with those we miss here on earth. In Jesus name we pray, Amen.

Lori Hood